Thanks to our very wet winter, Metro is proud to announce our new, exciting way to get around the L.A. Region: MetROW!
With MetROW, you’ll use our local waterways to quickly navigate our region while enjoying the sights, sounds and wildlife of concrete rivers.
In addition to semi-fresh air and not-so-fresh water, you’ll get great exercise. The only greenhouse gas emissions from this exciting new mode of transport: your huffing and puffing as you help row the MetROW!
Here are answers to some of the questions we anticipate you having about MetROW:
Where can I find MetROW?
We’re starting with LA County’s big five concrete channels: the L.A. River, San Gabriel River, the Arroyo Seco, Rio Hondo and Ballona Creek. See the MetROW map above.
What happens if the rivers dry up?
We’ll issue a service alert. Rowers will still have the option to walk and carry the boat.
What are the fares?
Regular fares downstream, half fare for upstream travelers/rowers.
What if my boatmates are lazy oafs who refuse to do their share of the work?
Our Metro Coxswains are here to help motivate all rowers/riders!
Can I fish while riding/rowing?
Yes but bring your own pole. MetROW is not responsible for the edibility of your catch. Our rec: if it’s got a third eye, pass it by.
What if the boat capsizes?
Swim! Metro will supply all riders with convenient hand wipes for cleaning up.
Is this a dumb joke?
Yes! Happy April’s Fools Day! Long-time readers may recall other foolery, including the proposed extension of the E Line to Catalina and the Metro yellow submarine.
Also: a shout out to the many agencies and organizations trying to clean up our local rivers and make them look and function more like, well, rivers. Thank you for your efforts, @amigosrios, @folar, @healthebay, @itsnotadone_deal, @lacorps, @mujeresdelatierra, @ourriverla, @riverprojectla, @treepeople_org, @lacopublicworks and @mrcaparks.
Categories: Go Metro
Not a bit funny. Publishing that is worse laughing at someone’s funeral. Way worse. It like crapping on the coffin and then laughing. The city is in a crisis! Particularly Metro. The light rail is unusable!!! Unusable!!!! It’s totally taken over by homeless people and the smell is unbearable. Not just at night. In the middle of the day. I tried to take the Red Line at Union Station. Tried 4 different cars, hoping to get one without a disgusting stench. Finally gave up and took the 33 bus all the way to Santa Monica. Even if the smell was bearable (it wasn’t), I can’t afford to get the smell on me and lose my job, friends, love life. Just to be clear, the homeless are not the problem. The so-called “leadership” is. Metro executives, Karen Bass, etc. are responsible for the complete destruction of a multi billion dollar public transit system, and you should all be fired, if not jailed. Now THAT might make me smile a little.
😳 I was so on board!!
Even though today’s the 3rd this was the only April Fool’s that I’ve come across.
This was FUNNNNNYYY😝🤣😝
This is so funny 😂
Actually, this is something to be thought of. Although not rivers, a lot of the local flood control channels are always dry. They are straight, flat, grade separated, and have large clearances. Imagine if something like that could be used for some sort of transport system. Flood control channels are all over.
Maybe less focus on April Fools… and more focus on passing along useful information?
I read the entire article oblivious to yesterday being 4/1. I must admit when I saw it was for April fools I doubled over in laughter, so funny!!! I’m going to search for one article about extending the subway all the way to the Catalina island ahh hahaha!! LOL!!! Thanks 🙂
Loved your April fool joke!
Wish it was real.
Oh gosh I’m never ready for April fools smh
Actually I sold my 🚗.
To expensive to afford the 🚌 best option.
I get around.
Only problem a lot of people like me .
Poor homeless people 🙂.
No place to sleep.
But they are humans after all.
I see Ambassadors of what is a joke .
Let’s clean the subway.
Classic Music in Macabro Park.
People dying over dose there free Falling Market.
I love Little Guatemala Gente Trabajadora.
We are the back 🦴 of this beautiful day 🥰
Thanks for letting me know.
Some bus drivers deserve employees of the Month.
Gracias a Dios .
I 😘 LA Rivera
How about MetROW, but for bikes?
The Submaraine would be great.:)
Thank you. I’ve been asking you to do this as an April Fools joke for years.
Well, there’s always a new undersea subway line between San Pedro and Avalon. I mean, Catalina Island is in Los Angeles County and should be covered by Metro.
Hear me out though, and I am genuinely not joking: This isn’t necessarily a dumb idea from a recreational perspective. Obviously long term dry spells that plague so cal will prohibit this from ever becoming a reality though if it were true.
Haha. Happy April Fools Day 😉