Metro announces public private partnership with Stark Industries to extend Expo Line to Catalina Island

Super exciting transit news! Metro is gearing up to break ground on Expo Line Phase 3 to Catalina Island. Thanks to funding and technology provided by tech visionary Tony Stark, the train will run under the Pacific and eliminate the need for boat travel, relieving congestion on the waves.

“I’m really excited for this project,” said Joe Lemon, who sits in the adjoining cubicle, eliminating the need for me to pick up the phone or walk to someone else’s office to get a quote. “I get seasick so I’ve never been able to visit Catalina, but now I can! I heard the tunnel will be made of clear material, too, so we’ll be able to fish-watch as we ride.”

The third phase of the Expo Line will be modeled on the exciting shark tunnel at the Georgia Aquarium. Photo: Wikimedia Commons.

The project, more popularly known as the ‘California Chunnel,’ will finally connect the vital transit corridor between Santa Monica and Avalon. The project is expected to be completed  by 2130 in time for the Catalina Wine Mixer, the biggest helicopter leasing event in the Western Hemisphere since 1997.

“Stark Industries specializes in building infrastructure sexy enough to be targeted by the scum of the universe,” Stark said. “If so, we also specialize in saving the infrastructure we build.”

Metro is also exploring adding a Scuba Car, which will stop halfway between the island and mainland. Those with scuba gear will have 15 minutes to explore the surrounding area. Those without scuba gear will have approximately two minutes to explore. If that’s not enough time for you, we advise that you definitely do not sit in the Scuba Car.

Pilot Scuba Car. Actual Scuba Car may appear different at launch.







34 replies

  1. Everybody who believes this stand on your head & line up for the bridge sale in Brooklyn.

  2. Some sorry *** old geezer joked about this during the expo line test run

  3. Whoa, this reminds me of something out of a computer game from maybe 20 years ago – the sequel to Myst, called Riven, had one location where you could get into a cart or cable car that traveled to an adjacent island by going underwater through a transparent tunnel. Hooray for predicting the future!

  4. A bridge to Hawaii is more practical than an undersea train.

    A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

    The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”

    The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

    The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!!

    Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete — how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”

    The man said, “OK, I’ll try to think of a really good wish.”

    Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive.

    So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say “nothing,”, know how to make them truly happy.”

    The genie said, “Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”

  5. I heard from a City Councilman that plans are in the works to extend the expo line from Catalina to Hawaii after this project is completed. What a ride that will be..

  6. Well # Happy April’s Fool…ever one reading this would be long gone… Gee not even if you were born 2100 would you belive this…

  7. The real April Fool’s to me would be if the Purple Line was funded to Santa Monica 😉

  8. How’s this for an April Fool’s joke: Metro builds a $2 billion train from LA to Santa Monica, and the city of LA makes it stop at every traffic light. It runs 10 minutes slower than the Santa Monica Freeway bus. At it runs two car trains at rush hour!

    Are the trains still stopping at the maintenance yard, to let the off-duty driver off, so he doesn’t have to walk 2 blocks from the station? Why, yes!

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

    Oh, wait, it’s SOP at Metro, Jake.

  9. All though this is obviously an April fools joke, it will be really great for the Expo line to extend to Santa Catalina island, or at least a new ferry line connecting tge Expo line to Catalina.

  10. This is a fantastic idea, I really wish it were true, however on a more serious note, I have a flyer/map from April 1992 with a title of “METRO – An Integrated Transportation System” that showed Metro as a complete system, including “Metro Ferry.” It showed a line (by ferry of course) to Catalina Island. Whatever happened to the idea of the ferry system being integrated as part of the Metro system? On this map was also Metro Park & Ride, Metro Bikeways, Metro Hotline, Metro Electric Bus, Metro Call Boxes, Metro Dial A Ride, Metro Tow Trucks, Metro Rail, Metro Bus….it’s a really neat map, good thing I hung on to it. A lot of the rail lines were proposed on it at the time, and now many of them are a reality, never did I thought it would actually happen, but there are many more we still need (such as Pasadena to Glendale rail).

  11. 2130?! Too good to be true!! Would be super cool though to see the Metro Expo Line extend all the way to Catalina Island, as well as ride on that awesome Scuba Car! By the way, Happy April Fool’s Day!

  12. I, for one, cannot wait for clean Arc reactor-powered trains to begin running, even if it comes with an increased risk of supervillain attacks. At least Black Manta and most other aquatic villains are over in the DC multiverse.

    • This is a blatant waste of tax payers money! Let Tony build his toys with his own money! LA County and METRO should instead invest in the cleaner, much faster to build and travel with, hyper -catapult. Travelers will have a ride through clean air and not through something resembling a sewer line!

      • Unless Iron Man is real (aka Tony Stark), yes it’s a joke!

        Steve Hymon
        Editor, The Source